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Using Texting Technology To Improve Human Connection

Can I Text Him First Or Should He Make The First Contact?

You’ve just met him.

He’s tall. He’s dark. He’s handsome.

He makes you laugh and he has an amazing smile that makes you feel like a giddy school girl every time he looks at you.

You’ve exchanged phone numbers and you want so desperately to talk to him again, but now you’re facing a dilemma…

Can I text him first or does he need to make the first move?

Great question so let’s dig into it.

Does It Matter If You Text Him First?

Some people argue the guy should always make the first move, even when it comes to texting and if you text him first, then you’re making a big mistake.

I respectfully disagree…

Maybe it’s the youngster in me (although I’m quickly approaching middle-aged), but I think people who believe a guy should always text a girl first are still living with the dinosaurs. This isn’t the time of “Leave It To Beaver” anymore.

Guys like to know you’re interested in them just as much as you want to know he’s interested in you. Being liked, wanted, and desired is a basic human need that BOTH men and women share.

With the onset of technology, dating has changed a lot. Gender roles aren’t as defined as they used to be. Does a man always have to drive the car? Does a woman always have to do the laundry?

In my opinion, if you like someone it doesn’t matter who texts who first.

Women tend to over-analyze relationships. Every little detail becomes a testing ground for interpretation and scrutiny.

Can I text him first? I did and he took exactly 32 minutes and 54 seconds to text me back. What does that mean? Does it mean he’s not that interested in me? Should I not have texted him?

A bit dramatic with my example? Maybe, but I think you get the idea.

You aren’t going to annoy him with one text (unless it’s something like “we need to talk” or “how do you feel about me” which both scare the bejesus out of men) or kill off all the attraction by initiating contact. Check out this letter from expert Mimi Tanner for some ideas on flirting with guys.

Just remember, if you text him first and he doesn’t respond, don’t follow up with a bunch of text messages asking him why he’s not texting you back. That annoys the hell out of guys.

A good rule of thumb is to never send more than 2 texts in a row without getting a response.

Should I Ask A Guy Out Over Text?

Although I don’t think it matters who initiates contact, I do still believe you should let a guy ask you out first because men have a biological need and desire to be the “pursuer” and many men feel emasculated if they feel like the woman is taking on the “man’s role”.

wiley tip - get him to ask you outBut that doesn’t mean you can’t initiate the contact, flirt with him, and drop him subtle (or not so subtle hints) that you’re interested to “persuade” him to ask you out.

Even a text as bold as, “Ya know, enter his name here, if you ever asked me out on a date, I might just say yes. ;)” By using the word “might” instead of making it a definitive yes, you are able to indicate your interest and at the same time tease him and remain a little mysterious without being “too available”.

If he responds with, “Might?” then follow it up with, “Yep. Might. ;)” Use emoticons to make sure he knows you are being playful. There’s a big difference in the way a text comes across that says, “Yep. Might.” and one that says, “Yep. Might. ;)” Just let him do the actual asking out.

I call this sort of thing “giving a man opportunities to ask you out”. Most men fear rejection, especially by a woman they are interested in and most men aren’t going to ask you out if you’re in a social circle or amongst friends because then they risk being embarrassed in front of everyone.

So if you’re interested in a man, show your interest and give him opportunities to be alone with you so he can ask you out. The private, personal nature of text messaging is great for this.

And if you want to text a guy first, but aren’t sure what to say, I highly recommend you check out some of the curiosity magnets and bait questions found in this program by Michael Fiore.

They work amazingly well as conversation starters.

See you in the next post,

One Comment

  1. I definitely agree with you here. I do think that some people who believe in these “unwritten gender roles” have to come on over to this century.

    But on the flip side, I find that a lot of people still secretly cling to them as modern as they claim to be. For example, women now believe that they can be the asker instead of the askee. But I think sometimes they miss being longed for and wooed once they take on the male role of asking him out.

    The same applies to men. I think men value an independent woman and will say it openly. But deep down they miss taking care of the woman and living up to their “manhood”