Posted by Derek Maak on Aug 27, 2012 in Get Her Back | Comments Off on How To Get Your Ex Back Even If She Hates You
So she hates you?
Deep down she probably doesn’t.
Is she angry? Is she upset? Does her blood boil when her phone rings and she sees your name on her caller ID? Absolutely.
But she’s probably not hoping you get hit by a double decker bus the next time you step off a street corner (if you do see her driving one though, run for cover).
The first step in learning how to get your ex back even if she hates you is understanding hate doesn’t exist without love. Those strong negative feelings she harbors for you right now wouldn’t be there if she didn’t give a damn about you.
So the fact there IS emotion (even if it’s strongly negative) is a good thing. Apathy, not hate, is the opposite of love, and the apathetic ex is the hardest situation to recover from.
Deep down it’s probably not hate that fuels her emotions. It’s hurt. The fact that someone she loved and cared about so much could hurt her is what eats at her and causes her to lose sleep at night (well, that and being awake throwing darts at your picture on the wall).
Hate doesn’t mean the end of your love. It’s much more likely to be a way of trying to break through to communicate and connect.
It’s the frustration of wanting so bad to connect, but not being able to because you wouldn’t listen. Or you lied. Or you cheated. Or because you didn’t try hard enough to make the relationship work or to keep it from getting worse.
How To Get Your Ex Back Even If She Hates You By Using Text Messages
Getting your ex back when she hates you isn’t an impossible situation, but it will require doing things a little differently. One of the best ways to approach this situation is through texting.
Because when done correctly, texting is nonconfrontational and much less intrusive than other forms of communication. More importantly, it gives you the opportunity to think about what to say before you say it.
When you’re dealing with emotions that are revved up tighter than a formula one race car engine, having time to think about what to say can help you avoid the fights that can ignite out of nowhere.
These can get ugly…REAL FAST.
Let’s face it. If you call her, she’s probably going to ignore it or you’re going to end up screaming at each other. If you go to her house, she’s probably going to slam the door in your face, throw something at you (hopefully it’s not sharp), or just not answer.
But most people will still read text messages even if they don’t respond. Thus, text messaging gives you the best opportunity to connect with your ex and still be heard even if you’re getting the silent treatment.
In Text Your Ex Back, Michael Fiore gives you techniques he calls “text judo” which help you turn your ex’s negative thoughts and emotions into positive ones over time. Mike describes text judo like this…
“Text Judo” is the art of using your ex’s existing emotions–positive or negative–to get the positive result you want.”
He later goes on to give examples of how it works when he says…
“If your ex is angry at you, you can use that anger to ignite the spark of love that’s probably still buried deep down inside. If your ex is hurt by you, you can use that hurt to uncover the desire for acceptance and love that left him or her open to being hurt by you in the first place. And on and on and on.”
Learning how to get your ex back even if she hates you will also require patience. The stronger the feeling of hate, the longer it will take to break through the resistance and reconnect (but the more likely she still harbors strong feelings for you).
In Text Your Ex Back, Michael Fiore recommends 30 days of no contact. He says…
“Remember, your ex feeling ANY emotion towards you (even hate) is, in many ways, a GOOD thing. This is one of the reasons I make you wait thirty days to contact your ex–and why you must ignore them if they contact you first. Why? Because contact makes everything seem just “OK” again. It takes the pressure off. It crates apathy. And apathy will kill any chance you have of getting back together with your ex, but any positive or negative powerful emotion can be transformed and guided using simple techniques I’m going to teach you.”
Another great thing about texting (so long as you do it correctly and don’t do things like texting your ex over and over again, drunk texting, etc. ) is you can “test the waters” and get a good feel for whether or not your ex is ready to talk or if they need more time without ruining your chances in the process.
Text judo is all about taking what your ex gives you and working with it to find the points of connection that will bring you closer together.
Here are 6 generalized steps you must go through during the texting process if you want to win her back and start a new, better relationship.
Test For Areas Of Connection
Validate Your Ex’s Emotions
Create Intimacy, Closeness, And Attraction
Connect In Real Life And Start Dating Again
Now, let’s look at these in a little more detail.
The reason you initially cut contact is two-fold. First, she needs time and space to get her emotions under control and so do you. Second, if she hates you because of something you did in the relationship, then she’s probably expecting you to try and grovel your way back into the relationship.
When you cut contact and go on living your life without her, it has a very powerful psychological effect that makes her think, “Wait a minute. What’s going on here? Doesn’t he care anymore? Did I make a mistake by dumping him? Could I really end up losing this guy for good and is that really what I want?”
Next, after things have been quiet for a while, you need to make contact in the most nonconfrontational way possible. (Text message conversation starters are a great choice for doing this.)
After that, you need to “test the waters” to find the emotional connection points for the relationship and validate your ex’s emotions. Remember, whatever your ex feels is the correct thing to feel just like whatever you feel is the correct thing to feel. You need to validate your ex’s emotions rather than telling her that she’s wrong to feel a certain way.
Next, you need to use those emotional connection points to create positive feelings of intimacy, closeness, and attraction. She’s probably craved these things from you for a very long time now.
Once you’ve accomplished that you need to meet up (let this be HER idea), start dating again, and hopefully start a new, better relationship the second time around.
Before I go, there’s one more important thing you should keep in mind.
Getting your ex back when she hates you means accepting that logic and romance don’t mix (like rap and mattress sales incentives programs).
Sorry that you had to watch that, but I had to make my point. You can take your eyes out and step on them right now if you need to.
Romance and logic don’t mix which means rationalizing with your ex and telling her all the reasons she should take you back, why you’re such a great guy, and all the ways you’re going to change is a big waste of time.
Not only does it make you look like you’re begging and pleading your case trying to “convince” her that you’re the right guy, but it also does nothing for creating FEELINGS OF ATTRACTION.
And it’s those feelings of attraction that will ultimately bring her back to you.