If you haven’t yet read that post, I recommend doing so before you proceed with today’s topic where I’ll show you how to start a text conversation with your ex and give you a few text message examples to further illustrate the technique.
Text Messages You Should Never Use As Conversation Starters With Your Ex
When people try to strike up a conversation with their ex over text, they often make the mistake of thinking it needs to be some sort of apology or a romantic literary masterpiece even Emily Dickinson would be proud of. You’re not going for the text message equivalent of the Pulitzer Prize here so don’t put so much pressure on yourself.
Another mistake you might make is sending a text message to your ex without a purpose or goal in mind. In the Text Your Ex Back ebook, Michael Fiore calls these “nothing texts” and says…
“One of the biggest mistakes you can make whether you’re texting your ex, sending a message to a cute girl or guy you just met, or trying to seduce your wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend back into your bed is sending a “nothing” text.”
He then goes on to describe these as…
“What’s a “nothing” text? It’s a text that doesn’t actually SAY anything and doesn’t leave any “hooks” for positive interaction.”
These are usually simple texts like…
“Hi!” or “Hey!” or “Yo!”
“How are you?”
They seem harmless enough, but speaking from experience I can say they tend to just create an “awkward” or “dull” moment that pretty much kills the conversation before it even gets started. You’re better off sending nothing at all.
Take a few minutes and watch this video I made to explain a few other types of texts you shouldn’t send to your ex…
Ok, now that you know what not to send, let’s look at some texts that make great conversation starters.
Text Message Conversation Starters To Use With Your Ex
The type of text I’ve had the most success with when starting conversations with an ex is the same type of text relationship coach, Michael Fiore, refers to as an “across the bow” text.
I used to just refer to them as “conversation starters” (pretty boring, huh?) or “communication initiators” (sounds a little cooler), but “across the bow” is quite appropriate since at this point you don’t know if your ex is going to reply so you’re kind of taking a stab in the dark.
Here’s how Mike describes them…
“An “Across The Bow” text is a shot in the dark. It’s that first text you send when you haven’t talked to or seen your ex in a while, and is designed to let them know that you’re thinking about them, that you don’t have any negative feelings towards them, and that you’re not horribly, horribly messed up over the break up (even if you actually are).”
Pay attention to what Michael just said because he hints at a few key elements of a good across the bow text. These types of texts need to create a positive experience, they shouldn’t be focused on the past relationship, they shouldn’t sound like you are begging, pleading, desperate, or needy, and they shouldn’t put any pressure on your ex for a response.
You’re basically just trying to make contact in a way that won’t piss your ex off or make him or her run for the hills from feeling pressured or cornered.
So here are a few examples of how to start a text conversation with your ex.
If you and your ex used to play a lot of sports together, you might send something like…
“I was just outside shooting hoops and it made me think of you for the first time in a while. I kept thinking about those 3-on-3 tournaments we always played in. That was a blast. Hope you’re doing great.”
Or maybe the two of you really enjoyed video games in which case you might try something like…
“I just saw a commercial for Super Mario. It made me smile and laugh a little thinking about how you used to always grab Yoshi and then eat my character. Punk. :) Hope everything is great with you.”
And here’s yet another example…
“I was cleaning my room and came across some old photos of us at the county fair. That one of you in the sumo suit when you fell down and couldn’t get back up still makes me laugh. That was classic and so much fun! Hope things are awesome for you.”
So why is this type of text such an effective way to start up a conversation? Well, let’s take a closer look, shall we?
First, you’re telling your ex that something made you think of them (e.g. stumbling across old photos from the county fair) and it had a POSITIVE reaction on you (e.g. made you laugh and smile). This is like giving your ex a subtle compliment that also indicates you harbor no ill feelings toward him or her.
This type of text also indicates to your ex that you are doing well, that you hope they are doing well, and doesn’t make you sound like you are needy, desperate, or just sitting around at home crying your eyes out (e.g. hope you’re doing great).
Lastly, this type of conversation starter doesn’t put any pressure on your ex to respond.
Now you may be asking, “Now, Wiley, that’s all well and good, but how am I supposed to have a conversation if my ex doesn’t respond?”
Great question, but here’s the thing. One of the great things about texting is you don’t need a response from your ex in order for your text messages to have a positive effect on the relationship. You’ve planted your positive seed regardless and that’s damn cool and one of the reasons I absolutely love text messages.
This type of text gives your ex an “out”. It doesn’t say anything like, “Text me back!”. It doesn’t ask them a question they need to answer. Giving your ex an “out” with your first few text messages is extremely important in case they aren’t quite ready to start talking to you again.
Michael Fiore teaches you several different ways to craft across the bow texts in his Text Your Ex Back PDF texting guide along with a bunch of other types of text messages that will make getting your ex back a whole lot easier.